Friday thoughts #3 - Strength in vulnerability

Good morning to my superhero colleagues!

Look at this kid.
​Yeah, it’s OK, you can laugh. I do too.

​Insert ugly-ass  school picture here...
 
In case you cannot tell… this is me.
I share this with you today because I want to tell you a short story.
 
This is the face of the boy who sat across from a careers councilor in 1995 and said “I want to be a bodyguard”.
After what was perhaps the most hurtful laugh I have ever received. She told me ‘you are not exactly the type for protecting others’, and that there was no point bothering to applying because I ‘wouldn’t be good enough’… She said “Why don’t you look into the new and exciting world of computer science, that seems like something far more you”.
 
I had always wanted to be a bodyguard. As a kid I played Knights with swords and shields, I was always Galahad or Lancelot. Chivalry and bravery were my aspirations, with a care for those around me who needed help.
So hearing those words from the careers counselor put that horrid painful lump in my throat.
 
But I also knew how I looked. I was aware if my size, I knew I had… (to be more polite to myself)… I had a more ‘delicate frame’ than what most people would consider to be necessary for a bodyguard. OK, I was thin, weedy and geeky. Of course this put some doubts in my mind because I wasn’t part of the template. So on that day when I went to see the careers councilor, I had 2 slips of noted paper with me. One listed out all the reasons why I would make a great marine biologist, that A4 page was almost full of academic achievements . The other simply stated it was my dream to be a bodyguard. It may not seem like much, but at the time it felt like it took a huge chunk of courage to use that second sheet of paper to give an honest statement of what I wanted to be.
 
That day I made myself vulnerable. And I believe that day was a source of strength; But it wasn’t instant. For a short while after I let myself believe her, ‘I’m not the type’ ☹
 
At my school, Monday afternoons were what we called “options”. You were meant to attend an additional class, an option. The councilor had signed me into the computer science class… but never attended, not a single one. Instead on Monday afternoons I walked out of the school and trekked the 3km to join the rugby team as their lightest, most frightened but most resilient player... I think I cried my way home every week that winter. I was teased and laughed at. I can remember boys in my class hitting my bruises for laughs. The tutors got annoyed with me for skipping class... And every Tuesday they told me off. After about a month the rugby coach ended these weekly disciplinary meetings I was getting. He said he’d allow me to continue but fully expected that I would stop soon as it was obviously painful for me.
 
But what really happened is that eventually I got physically stronger. I got a little better, a little faster, and a little less scared every week. Getting hit, tackled or buried in the rugby scrum always hurt. Whenever I caught that ball, I was tackled every single time, I never scored a try, I always took the hit. At this time I started training in various martial arts and joined the orienteering club. I also stopped doing homework in subjects that I considered irrelevant to my goals.
 
 
The point I want to make today is:
Despite appearances, the skills for what you desire can be learned, even though you may not fit the world’s view. Attitude is key. In choosing to be vulnerable we can be set on a path to become stronger... And you decide what your priorities are and how you engage with them. Exposing yourself to be vulnerable doesn’t have to be as extreme as my example, you can simple say “I don’t know”, “I don’t understand” or “I need help”. It may be perceived as a weakness, but eventually it leads to strength.
 
I was 19 when I took my first assignment as a bodyguard. 
 
Make no mistake - others will doubt you. At times, you will doubt yourself.
It may never be an easy ride - It might be emotionally and physically painful.
But if it was easy, everyone would do it - When you start believing in yourself, what change will you create? what strength will you find? and what dream will you live?
 
B